Step into the light [ 2006-06-26, 2:29 a.m. ]

So I'm going to Weight Watchers tomorrow. I've been wavering back and forth between going and not going these past few days. A food addict can think of a million reasons why they shouldn't go to something that will help them. But can only think of one important reason to complete dispell those million reasons. To control your life. Finally. I'm sick of it. I know there are many fat chicks out there who can do whatever they want. Good for them. Brava I say.

But I ain't one of'em. Oh, hell, I do lots of stuff that I want to do. But there are a ton of things I want to do that my out of shape and aging body don't like doing. And I hate that. So I'm fightin' back, dang it.

I posted the following in my blog:I'm also readying myself mentally to go to Weight Watchers tomorrow. There's a reason I haven't tried to lose weight in so long. Food is a crutch. It's a substitute. But lately, I've been feeling that my life is getting back in sync to a place when I had some passion in my life. Therefore, I don't need food anymore to fill a void. But it isn't going to be easy, let me tell ya. I've put up a few signs in the kitchen. "Food is not love. Food is fuel" and "Remember why you're doing this". Anything to make me think twice before grabbing that cookie or chip.

Thank God for music. It's my inspiration right now. Always has been. Always will be.

End of quote. Yep. I feel like things are pointing me towards what my life is all about. I know I'll be disappointed if I don't get that music manager job (which I don't talk about on my blog since co-workers read it) but I can't let that stop me. It takes so much for me to gather my courage and step towards what I want. If you met me you wouldn't really think I was that timid. But honestly, I wear this body like a cloak. It's easier to disappear. But I really want to be seen.

When I was listening to my iPod earlier, an INXS song came on and I came to the conclusion that my iPod loves me since it was the second INXS song to play in the shuffle of my library. INXS reminds me of a very emotional but really fun part of my life. When my boss was interviewing me for the music manager job, she said that I'd mentioned that working at the record store was one of the happiest times of my life. It was odd that I'd come out with that spontaneously. But it was true. It wasn't perfect but I loved it all the same.

1 comments so far

last - next

Ryan Adams