I can never reach you [ 2006-08-14, 1:18 a.m. ]

"No more going to the dark side.." says Thom Yorke. Well, he's right. I shouldn't but then I start thinking too much. I distract myself sometimes so I don't think too hard about some things. But then...

If you go back a couple of entries, I actually did have things to say.

Right now, I'm just wasting time because I tried to sleep but couldn't do it, of course. So I'm listening to Thom Yorke on my iPod and typing away here.

I've been thinking about NaNoWriMo and even though it's more than two months away, I'm getting anxious as to what to write about. Last year was a supernatural/modern lit story. This year, I kind of want to do something darker. I mean there was definite darkness in that story but this time I want it to be really...gut wrenching and cathartic. I know my sister and Mom are wanting me to do a sequel to the other one but I just want to write something new. And I doubt I'll be writing something that I want them to read. At least not my Mom. But I'm still unsure.

I feel like my life is about to change in so many ways. Of course, I know my job will be changing. So that's one thing. But I feel like other things like my social life are starting to get there. I just have to let it. I'll be going dancing again on Thursday night and I hope to dance with a few guys of interest. That will at least take my mind off of other things.

One thing in particular. I signed off from talking with Jay yesterday mainly because I didn't want to say something that I would regret. And I wasn't even drunk so I couldn't use that as an excuse this time. Maybe sometime but last night I just couldn't. Boys. Men. Frustrating.

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Ryan Adams