Why. [ 2006-11-02, 2:57 a.m. ]

I think I just want to forget about anything for a while. I am drunk right now. I was at the karaoke bar and I just had an overall crappy time. I mean, from the outside, I was having a good time. But inside, by each minute, I felt like crap. I tried to numb it with alcohol but all I got for that effort was Marcia telling me I needed to monitor my alcohol better. And I know she's right. I used to not drink like this. At least not for several years. It's stupid. It's wrong. And I just end up feeling depressed after everything. I drove home, drunk, (why,yes,I know that is wrong) just crying to myself. And just thinking about how much I hated my fucking life.

I don't know the night ende up that way. Ok. I do. Charlie didn't show up. I know he'll be there next Tuesday. But should I go? I don't know. We'll see. I was struck by the irony of the fact that one of the tvs in the bar was showing the movie "The 40 Year Old Virgin". Great movie. But still painful to watch.

I am going to eat something to hopefully soak up this alcohol but then I'll just be sober again and feel even more pathetic.

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Ryan Adams