Pity Party [ 2007-02-08, 12:31 a.m. ]

Damn. Can't seem to have two good days in a row this week. It was just one long frustrating day. We had a ton of boxes to receive and shelve plus I had to work up to having a conversation with my music seller about how he needs to be more on the ball. It went fine really. I just hate that I feel like I am stuttering through those kind of things. Add to that, that since we were too busy with what needed to be done that I went ahead and had the conversation in the dept. when there no customers there but then got interrupted anyway TWICE by somebody calling us over the paging system. I really wanted to kill the phone today. Everytime I try (and not just today) to talk with the MOD they are constantly interrupted with somebody paging them for something. Not their fault but it irritates the living crap out of me. So when I was trying to talk with my closing music seller tonight and the main phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing, I almost lost it. I hate phones. I hate when people are constantly talking on them on those stupid bluetooth things and they are speaking like everyone really wants to know their business. We don't! Shut the fuck up!!!

Sigh. God, I thought I wasn't still upset from the day. Guess I am.

Anyway, it was also one of those days where somebody said something offhand and joking to me that hit way too close to home and it proceeded to chip away at any good mood that might have been left. So on the drive home, while listening to Pavement on my iPod, I pondered and cried. All while listening to indie rock. I am emo. Anyway, I decided to do a dry run on finding my doctor's place before I got home. Because I'd rather not be driving around getting lost and being late tomorrow. So, even though it was dark, I eventually found it. So there's that.

Jeff, my old boss at the club and now my publisher boss for the 'zine, called me tonight to pick my brain for ideas on what I'll write for the March issue. I told him I'd like to do a preview article on Pete Yorn who is coming to town in March. Also, he mentioned that the theme for the issue will be "If I were Queen/King of the city, what would I do with the music scene?". So I'll do something on that as well. And I suggested maybe doing something that had some teeth to it like my anti-love song article, which he said he's gotten good feedback on. So now I need to think up something for all that.

My appt. is in about 9.5 hours. I'm nervous. Not throw up inducing nervous but still nervous. And I hate feeling like it will be a giant pity party of one. As much as I know that I'm self-involved, I also hate that part of myself. Which is probably why I don't see myself getting better on my own.

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Ryan Adams