I am the biggest fraud that ever frauded. I almost feel like Carrie Bradshaw when she was having the affair with Big when he was married and she was with Aidan. Except in this case I'm not dating or engaged to anybody. But Jim is still with his g/f, Alli. Today was Alli's bday and they are in Nashville where she's taking those classes to teach english as a second language. So I sent her a simple text today of "Happy Birthday!!". She send me a text back tonight saying "Thank you! You are so sweet. :)" And my first and only reaction is "Oh, Alli. I am so not sweet. All I've been thinking about lately is kissing your boyfriend."
God. Those fantasies are sweet and painful. I want to stop myself but can't quite do it. It's only recently that I've even let myself think about it. sigh...
I haven't "spoken" to him since Friday but that was by IM. So I haven't actually talked to him since Tuesday night. And I've done my best to hold back on texting and IM'ing very much. And I haven't done so at all to him this whole weekend. Can you say magnificent restraint? I thought you could.
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