Twitchy [ 2008-01-07, 10:55 p.m. ]

I'm here, I'm here.

My hardship loan came through. I got it on Saturday. Unfortunately, they took out the Federal tax which was 20%. That really stung. They weren't supposed to do that but they messed up. Anyway, I deposited it today. I'll make my payments tomorrow once it's settled into my account.

My leg is twitching in pain right now. There are times when I can be standing up and it feels like hot ice on my leg. Damn. There's no pain like chronic pain. I wish there was a way to make it go away magically.

I got online when I finally got home today and saw that Jim was online. I hadn't seen him on MSN messenger in a while. I talked to him for a while. He mentioned that Brooke was in town for a little bit and that her birthday was coming up this Friday. I asked what the plans were for it. He said he really didn't know. I said that I would contact Alli and ask her. He told me that that was a good idea since he's not allowed to talk to Brooke. Holy hell. I typed back something like "Not allowed? We really need to talk in person sometime soon."

I can understand Alli being upset still. But in my opinion she just needs to make the decision to end their relationship. I know they've known each other since junior high but's a toxic situation.

What makes this bad (for me) is that I keep having dreams where I'm hugging Jim and kissing him. And when I wake up, it's with a sense of loss. I think this is also why I keep having dreams about kissing famous men. Recently, it was Brett from Flight of the Conchords. He makes a nice boyfriend, btw.

My life. One big boring mess.

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Ryan Adams