No Sunlight [ 2008-06-26, 4:53 p.m. ]

Hello, my people. Is there anybody left who is still looking for my updates? Leave me a note! I need your validation.

I am really really hoping to make it to the karaoke bar tonight. I'm at my parents' house at the moment, washing clothes and eating dinner and using the internet. So afterwards I can go home, shower, watch the "So You Think You Can Dance" results show and "Fear Itself" and then get there around 11:15pm. That's the plan, at least. The fact that I keep wavering on this plan is typical of late. I still very much need to try losing weight again but I can't keep myself from binging at night. I feel completely helpless against it. I think if I didn't live alone it would be easier but I use food as a crutch. And a way to keep people away. Which is ironic since I feel so lonely for a man's arms to hold me and love me. That's the simple truth.

I've been also having some off days when it comes to memory and such. It's probably a tumor. On Tuesday I woke up after 7am, when I needed to be at work. Got there around 7:45am. Realized at lunchtime that I had left my check card and phone at home. I also kept forgetting things. Then later on at the grocery store (where I wrote a check)I knocked over a display. And then at the video store I knocked over a display. Talk about being happy to have Wednesday off.

The memory thing is probably a combo of tiredness and age. Yes, I said it. Age. I saw an episode of "Frasier" where he realizes that he keeps forgetting things and his father had to tell him he was middle-aged. He was 42. My age. Lordy. I determined to work my brain though to make it go away. I have some crossword puzzles and word search books. Plus, there is always Tetris.

I will probably try to update next Tuesday when I visit my parents again for washing and mooching. Take care, people. I really miss you.

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Ryan Adams