I was cleaning out my iTunes library tonight. I'm trying to able to get my podcasts on to my iPod. Clear out all the stuff that I don't need on it. So I've downloaded the newest version of iTunes and it has that Genius feature that is linked up with the iTunes store to tell you what songs you can get that you don't have by an artist or similar artists. That feature is evil and will cause me to buy more music. Anyway, I was on the Counting Crows in my library and the Genius feature told me I didn't have the song "Colorblind". This song reminds me of Jim because he says its the only CC song that he likes and it's featured in the movie "Cruel Intentions". I've always liked that song,too, but didn't have it. So I dloaded it. I played it and just sat back and wept a bit.

I was thinking about Jim. But also how I felt something strong almost two years ago. But now I'm just blah. I'm not down (usually) but I'm not UP. I laugh. I joke. But I don't really think I feel joy and anticipation of something great happening in my life. Really looking forward to seeing somebody. I miss that badly. I'm getting close to having myself go back to the bar and see how everyone is there. Hopefully, not everyone has gone. That would suck. But I do need to get out on a regular basis. It's really boring to not feel a flutter of "I'm so happy to see him" in my heart.

The banner that I made and posted today was from "Colorblind". I am ready, I am ready, I am ready, ...I am fine. I'm ready, I'm fine but want to be better than fine. I want to be loved.

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