Kicked in the gut [ 2010-02-08, 10:57 p.m. ]

Last week I joined Curves because I want to try to have some semblance of activity in my life.

Today was my first day back to work from vacation. And I got the meeting once again with my boss. She informed that because of all this other shit going on in my department (which she claims is in a shambles because of the theft we had of some blu-rays a couple weeks ago and that I didn't inform my employees well enough of everything to do. Bullshit. They just didn't listen.)..anyway...that my review will once again not be at standards. Which she told me could be the straw that broke the camel's back since last year I had a not at standards. Just fire me already!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fuck. I know this job isn't for me. I hate corporation bullshit. Right now I don't even care about having benefits. I need out. I told her I was going to start looking for another job. She understood that at least. But I told her that it didn't mean I wouldn't try to make things "right" again in my dept. Whatever. Fuck it.

So I made myself go to Curves after work which was a major accomplishment. My only one of the day. It felt good for a while at least to clear my head.

But then I got home and opened my mail and there was a court summons from a collection agency about a credit card that I'm delinquent on. The court date is for next month. I'm going to try to see somebody at United Way debt help and see if they can assist me in getting in touch with these people. I will give them my $513 tax refund and then make payments every month. The total is around $4000.

I'm a pathetic excuse for a human being.

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Ryan Adams